At Last

- 29 September 2012 -

I'm only gonna say at last.. Nothing more or less.. 

"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, 

always with the same person..."

- Unknown -  

Letter to Grandpa

Dear Kakek,

First of all i want to say i miss you that bad. How are you up there? Did you had a good time? I wish you were here now Kek.. I kept wanting you in my dreams. Wondering what would happen if you still be here with us. I'm guessing you'll be the most excited man right now...

Kek, i'm getting married soon.. I bet you always imagining this moment to come since i was childhood. Are you thrilled hearing this? Hehe... If you are still here, i want you to be my best man.. No one suitable more than you did. And i will be the happiest bride with you on my side..

Kek, i am still thinking why you leave me that fast? It was too soon.. You even do not have a chance to see me graduates from college. Aren't you the one who always wanting to see me go to college and picking me up after class? It will be fun! I will ask you to buy me an ice cream each time you come over. Oh, oh, or maybe i will ask you to accompanying me shopping around the mall? Sounds fun, right? Or you will sneaking over my boyfriend and i will protest when you did.. :) Oh Kek, things would be very different if you still around... You always backing me up and i wouldn't felt this lonely...

Kek, growing up was extremely hard for me.. Most of times, i feel so lonely and weak. Feels like i am solitaire and nobody will protecting me. It was creepy... When i made a mistake, nobody hold me and says "it's okay, do not scared. We will find anything to fix this". In contrary, they are blaming, pointing finger on me, yelling, offend and striking me.. Kek, i need you to support me. I know you always have faith on me and trusting me.

Maybe you will think why i felt like this when i am almost getting married, right? Why i am not telling you how much i want this to happen and how happy i am? Kek, i am tremendously happy... So happy to have him on my side.. He was so gentle, responsible, brave, and warm man. You will love him like your own grand son if you had a chance to meet him.. :) Still, no relationship is perfect. We have to struggle to fight for what we have right now. Sometimes thing gets harder and we arguing. But he is the one for me, no matter what.. Aaandd it was another story, now i just want to talk to you as your grand child that miss her grandpa so bad while she's one step away to a marriage. :) Kek, bless us to have a wonderful life ahead, under the holy vow. Bless us to be happy and completing each other's. I know maybe i am not the greatest grand daughter for you, but you are my best man.. Your blessing means everything to me..

Kek, i will write you another letter.. Do not forget to attend my wedding Kek. Be anywhere you like, i will waiting for your presence. :)


Your  grand daughter,

           Vicky

- Iki dan Kakek Said -

A Ring & A Bouquet

For the rest of my life, receiving gifts from a boy doesn't make any major changes on the way i looked up that person. Chocolates, flowers, clothes, etc, all of it just a one-time mood booster... Happy? Yes of course. But changing the way i live? No can do.

Things gets different when you grow up... When its not about "gifts", its about "whose the one that giving you the gifts". A man.  

A man who give you a ring in front of your parent and his parent.. A ring that his mother put on by herself to your finger. It isn't about the "gift" again, right? It was a one step closer to the next level of commitment. Our whole life commitment...

Now i am no longer a free girl who able to run, jump, cry, disappear and doing what ever i like.. I am a woman who has a man hugging her by his commitment and mark he gave to her.. A ring. A woman that faced a lot of trouble, obstacles, hard time and cries for keeping her faith, a faith for holding on to a man. I am no longer having my own self, he owns me.. :) 

- The Engagement Day, 27th May 2012 -

How many times a woman got a beautiful bouquet from her man? Hundred times? Me? It my first time got a bouquet from my man (not my boyfriend, okay? Different level i guess xD).

I know, maybe, the major reason he gave me the bouquet because we will held a video shooting for our wedding invitation in the next day. Haha... But still, he said that he wants to buy this for me... He is my man and he wants me to have this beautiful bouquet... I am feeling lucky... I am feeling grateful... I am feeling owned... 

Until the wedding day comes, then i will be fully owned by him.. :) 

- Wedding Invitation Video Shoot Session, 17th June 2010 -

"A simple grateful thought turned heavenwards 

is the most perfect prayer." - Doris Lessing -

Runaway Bride

 I am profoundly and irreversibly screwed up... Yes right, i need a Plan B...

!!!!

GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!!!! WAARRGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! 

Jet - Get Me Outta Here

What if...

"What if i don't reply your wall that time? Could it be still 'us'? 

Or strangers that never know about each other and happily living our own life?"

Red String of Fate

Rapidly Changed

Woaa, its been awhile since my last writing.. Er, not just "awhile" i guess, since its been couple months passed. Looking back to my last blog post, things are changed rapidly in my world seems. Last post talking about a heart disappointment yet a cheesy emotions added in it. In that time, every minor problem feels like a BIG one and disturbing me that much. Its easy for me to break down and cry for lame reasons. Now, look at me now! I am made by trouble! Why? let me tell you why...

First of all, i have been healed from my heart-break-era. I made myself survived from what we called as a never-ending-suffer-and-torches. Got strong enough to simply smile to the world and laughing with all my dearest pals without feeling any pain at all. Except, getting madly in crush with a very good looking guy who never pick me as his girlfriend sadly. Haha. But its okay, we'd be friends in a weird yet exciting way until now. Plus, i had soooo much fun with my pals! So it ain't bother me that much... :))

The second. In a short time, things changed again, i got caught on another game. At first, its merely a joke and a challenge that one guy throw at me. We decided to be more than just a friend just to find out if things will works on us, a relationship. I think its fun, since there is no consequences behind it. But, in fact, i get it wrong. It was never be a fun game. It was full with tension, arguments, debating, and tears. Until several month, i found myself fell in love again. A thing that i have been avoiding based on my last awful experience. I fell in love.

Who is the object? Yep, he was an unknown guy appears from unknown place called social media. Cheesy isn't it? I bet you feel so. He brings out a thought i have never imagine before (at least at the time acting like an antipathy one), a serious relationship with consequences and lots of responsibilities in it. Me, admitting i was never agreed in an easy way, lots of argument spills out from my stubborn head. He? Did the same thing, throwing all the ego to me for at least understand his position at the time. Hard. Been very hard.

The third. We ended up having a very deep feeling and compassion to each other. Both are matched and bounded tightly. And there he goes.... the  proposal. At a mall's parking lot. At a very sudden time. At a very unexpected condition...

An insane game we'd agreed turn into a more-than-serious-problem... A major trouble we have to solve, which also brings out family problem as well. Interconnected at the same time. The responsibilities we have to carry on our shoulder.. If you asked me about did i ever imagine facing a problem like this before, i would say you are crazy. How on earth i am willingly stepping on a total disaster like that? I am not having such a brave heart to do so. But, look at me now... That is why i am thinking i was made by trouble.

I won't tell the further story right now.. Since now the process was still on going. I won't hope too much. I just want the best thing will happen to us.

An antipathy girl met an alien guy.

Will we'd be united under the holy vow? For forever?

To be continued then....

"Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact."

-Willian James-

 

Totally Foolishness

Terkadang kebodohan disadari dari awal kita melakukannya. Sampai kebodohan itu benar-benar membuatmu membeku sesaat karena terkejut dan merasa tersakiti. Barulah kita sadar, hal itu sangatlah bodoh.

Kebodohan bisa berupa sebuah usaha inisiatif untuk bisa bertemu seseorang yang akan pergi jauh, memberikan sebuah kejutan, memberikan hal-hal yang tidak diminta atau hal-hal lain yang membuat mu mengusahakan sesuatu yang sebenarnya tidak perlu. Apalagi ternyata pengorbanan itu sia-sia.

Satu pesan dari saya adalah jika anda melakukan kebodohan seperti pengorbanan yang saya bahas tadi. Pastikan orang yang membuat anda melakukan pengorbanan itu tidak mengetahuinya sama sekali. Setidaknya jika ternyata (hampir pasti) semua sia-sia, anda tidak terlalu merasa bodoh seperti halnya otak anda baru saja disiram air raksa dan mengakibatkan kerusakan permanen pada otak anda. 

Kebodohan anda, hanya anda dan sahabat anda saja manusia di dunia ini yang berhak tahu. Karena percayalah, semua pengorbanan itu tidak perlu dilakukan. Anda akan lebih merasa bahagia jika tidak melakukannya. Hahaha. Just a form of total foolishness!

Happy Hannukah then! x)

- He's Just Not That Into You -

Jinxes or Spell?

Lately, i was thinking about whats the difference between jinx and spell? Jinx is a type of curse placed on a person that makes them prey to many minor misfortunes and other forms of bad luck. While spell is  a ritualistic formula intended to bring about a specific effect. Both came from world beyond our abilities. One brings bad luck and the other makes no choices for those who caught with it. 

If only i had an ability to do those two things. There are several times i really do need using it. Jinx, i would like to release it when i'm dealing with pain caused by people i know, barely met, or my closest relatives. Sounds crazy huh? But yeah i admitted that i can't handle my emotions well when i'm facing pain that caused by people i know. Its Pisces nature instinct actually. As a Pisces, their two biggest talents are sympathy and imagination. When their sympathy being use by others for advantages, thats where the pain comes from. And, the only thing that i could think about is just, send them jinxes!!! Hokus pokus, abraaakadabraaaaa..! Crucio! Hahaha *evil smirk*

When it comes to love sick things, haha, i would like to use spell. Being so much in like with somebody makes you drawn into your deepest and highest imaginations (i'm Pisces, remember? Hihi). But, when things doesn't work like you've expected (example : he/she doesn't like or at least had a same feeling like you did), you need a charm to make it happened, right? Even its only pop-ing up from your thoughts. Hahaha But, you do really need those spells huh? Just like what i felt now. *sigh. And one thing you need to do is release the charm spell! Or made a love potion! Hahahaha

Maybe, while you reads my wrote, you'll think that i'm a naive, short-thinking person, egoism, and childish. Oooh don't be that hypocrite, because everybody, at least once, ever think about that! Hahaha 

Release the jinxes and spells in your head now! Scream it loud with me!!! Yeaa!

"You sort of start thinking anything's possible if you've got enough nerve". 

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix 

Spoken by Ginny Weasley.

Kenapa Pensieve?

     Bagi Anda yang memang penggemar ataupun hanya penikmat dari serial epik Harry Potter[1], Anda kemungkinan (karena mungkin sulit untuk Anda mengingat semua istilah sihir di dalamnya) tahu apa itu Pensieve. Pensieve merupakan sebuah baskom batu dangkal yang tepiannya dihiasi oleh pahatan aneh: rune dan simbol-simbol. Di dalamnya berisi cahaya keperakan, tidak diketahui apakah itu benda cair atau gas, yang bergelombang kecil seperti air dan kemudian seperti awan, menyibak dan bergulung halus. Isi baskom ini berasal dari sebagian pikiran atau ingatan manusia yang dipindahkan (sangat fiksi bukan?) dengan cara menariknya dari pelipis dengan menggunakan tongkat sihir (yak, memang fiksi!). Benda yang sangat berguna bukan? Pensieve ini dapat menghindarkan Anda dari resiko pikun, lupa, amnesia, dan pusing dikarenakan kelebihan pikiran di dalam otak karena dapat memindahkan ingatan yang ingin Anda keluarkan dari otak dan Anda simpan sehingga sewaktu-waktu dapat Anda lihat lagi di dalam Pensieve.

     Kenapa Saya memberi judul blog ini dengan “Vick’s Pensieve”? Yah, karena Pensieve adalah benda yang paling Saya inginkan sekaligus yang paling tidak mungkin Saya miliki. Untuk itu, Saya berharap dapat memindahkan pikiran atau ingatan Saya dalam tulisan di blog ini karena bagi Saya, blog ini adalah Pensieve Saya. Gunanya hanya untuk menjaga-jaga dari resiko amnesia dan penyakit-kepenuhan-isi otak saja sih. =) 

     Cukup untuk tulisan pembuka blog Saya. Selamat berenang dan mendalami isi otak Saya!



Must Be: Read (for today)

• Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire (Chapter 30; Pensieve) 

Comment: Betapa menyenangkannya dapat memindahkan isi otak mu! Tapi hati-hati jangan sampai orang lain melihatnya tanpa sepengetahuan mu…

• Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince (All chapter)

Comment: Isi otak seseorang merupakan sesuatu yang bisa menyenangkan, berguna, dan menakutkan mu. Hati-hatilah!

[1] Serial novel fiksi karangan J. K. Rowling, seorang orang tua tunggal dari seorang putri yang kini novelnya telah meraih berpuluh-puluh penghargaan serta telah diterbitkan dalam berbagai bahasa di dunia, yang menceritakan kisah petualangan penyihir cilik bernama Harry Potter di dunia sihir.